I'd gasp if I wern't already

Oh this morning was a foul mistress to say the least. I was dazing in and out of consciousness between the unsightly hours of 6-7, I oddly kept dreaming of the same person in different situations, I dare not say who lest they cast a quizzical brow in my direction whilst telling others what an offbeat character I am.

Well anyway, I was rudely awakened from said dreams by a wave of frostiness nipping at my bare toes. Sharply I had to tuck them into the blanket before frostbite could stick its razor-sharp teeth into them. After a few moments of recuperation I was warm and snug again, however my own body decided to wish to freeze to death as my bladder screamed in agony. Grudgingly I made a mad dash for the bathroom, as if my steps could outrun the cold, unfortunately the cold caught. When finished I retired to my bed like a penguin returning from the frigid Antarctic waters with a giant fish in beak.

At this point however it was going on half past seven and I feared the eventuality of getting up to go to college. A million thoughts rushed around my head, maybe nobody else will go in, maybe the roads are covered in some sort of freak volume of snow but eventually I knew something of even more importance had to be done anyway, I had to finish off the rest of inception. With this information in hand I lept out of bed brushing off the coldness as I knew some awesome Cillian Murphage lay before me (no wonder people think I'm gay).

To my surprise however a lot of people were actually in today. Hrmm as I write this it seems to becoming more and more like a diary and less and less like a blog, I'd best stop writing in this manner. So I'll skip onto the annoying part of today, you people love that stuff don't you, YOU VULTUROUS SWINES!

Carrying on, I was in the dark room today processing my oh so bad it's still not good film when I decided to enter a darker room, to my horror it was already occupied (long story short, light + unprocessed film = holy fuck). Needless to say after standing with the door open for what felt like 10 minutes, I immediately proceeded to slam the door shut hoping that light wouldn't stand a chance against my delayed reactions. Luckily she had already finished up in there and had everything shut, I still felt like crap for the next hour however with the only thing racing through my mind being "woah, you're a fucking idiot".

This train of thought did not help me with my next task. I had to open a film up and place it in a spindle whilst in the pitch dark, not as easy as it sounds. Well after setting up I casually flipped the lid off the container, I was aghast within moments though as I realized the container was only half open, a fellow classmates words echo'd in my ears as I mindlessly scrambled my hands onto the lid, I tried prying it open but my amazing thumb strenght was no match for its lid. Panic set in as I grasped the bottle opener in my hand. I slammed it down on the lid hoping for it to catch each time, 4, 5, 6 times no success, when all seemed lost I got it. Losing no time I launched the lid off in what could only be described as an orgasmic moment for me and the inanimate object. Before I knew it the container had spilled its film all over the room. Quickly I rended the film with a quick snap of my scissors, "progress" I almost screamed to myself!

(I'm talking about this for far too long and boring even myself in the process but I'll finish this up).

The next step was irritating to say the least, think threading a needle in a pitch black room and then knotting the needle so as it doesn't fall out of the hole. Well that's kind of like what I had to do next as the film had to be inserted into a fissure in the spindle and then wound up. This event took a lot longer than I would have liked as I stood over the spindle for a good 5 minutes trying to finger my way into its grooves, finally I succeeded but I'm sure I punctured the film in many places in the process, shit sucks.

Well yeah that's enough about that boring situation. There's one more thing I want to talk about in today's blog and that is the film 'Inception'. You're six months behind you may scream at me from the lonely confines of your cold monitor, yeah well...shut up!

The film was amazing I must say, Leo did an awesome acting job as usual, some real emotion in there. The film on the whole was not the mind bending experience I was led to believe. It was pretty rational if you paid attention to the laws of the dreams. The movie was amazing overall and somehow managed to make me marvel at such mundane sights as a city. I wish for more movies like it!

I meant to write more about Inception today but I'm cold!

So I think I shall depart for now to go watch some of this 'Walking Dead' show. It better be all kinds of awesome. Ciao.

Shower? I hardly know 'er!

I have decided to write this before I watch Inception tonight, I assumed it would be for the best for I fear after watching its glory I will be left a blubbering mess trying desperately to unclench his jaws from all the fucking placed upon my mind.

So what to write about today I ask myself as I firmly grasp at my feet, trying in vain to caress a slight bit of heat back into them whilst the kettle boils for some ultimate hot water bottle action. Well I respond to myself with the usual: Stop talking to me you're making me look crazy!

Well first off I am slightly miffed off at a certain lecturer (who I dare not name lest the repercussions of web 2.0'ing smack me right in the kisser). I was all like "yo what up jive turkey I all about going downtown in that structurally superfluous room you call a developing studio". Well he was wise to my amazing street lingo I learnt from the local 'scuba divers' so he was all up on my grill, dissing my place of livelihood and implying my birth mother has a larger than average girth, THE SWINE!

Well it wasn't all as cool as that, I wished to hire out the developing room today to get some how you say developing done, but he was all like "EMAIL ME" it was like he was talking in caps lock! Unfortunately for my disheartened film, I had to book 24 hours in advance, what flip floppery is this I would have asked him if he weren't built like a bull who had accidentally injected himself with the years worth of steroids. So I waddled back out of his room holding the tears back, hoping he wouldn't judge me too harshly.

I felt I'd get one over on the old lecturer fella though, I would book 25 hours in advance, I rushed to the library jostling old women out of the way in the fear they swindle me out of a chirping metallic wonder they call a computer. To my utmost horror the library was full of greedy little minxes. I looked on at them all mindlessly blithering their thoughts onto facebook, a curse I would have places upon them if I were gifted in the dark arts!

So I returned home, my lecturer had one another round, this time I would be booking 23 hours in advance, the swine will be laughing his winter socks off I thought to myself. Still I felt I would be the bigger man (metaphorically of course, my muscles don't grow to the size of boulders). I placed a reservation down on the room for 3-5 with two of my fellow classmates (who apparently wish the death sentence on anyone who confers seasonal greetings to you, surely not a strong enough punishment I thought). 2 hours later as I finish up an episode of Mad Men I see the lecturer has replied, we were booked he said. I victoriously smirked into my glass of apple juice, pondering over my next one up on the DkIT staff.

However like Daffy Duck my victory was only to last a few moments before fate would viciously shove its unmentionables into my face whilst humming some sort of whimsical tune. A quick gander out my window and I saw it all, the treacherous lecturer had one up'd me once more by watching the weather forecast. Snow up to the wazoo, my momentary meeting with the lecturer flashed before my eyes, that glint in his eyes, he had it all planned from the get go, surely he is a rival worthy of my incomprehensible wit!

Well that was my day pretty much, it didn't start well it kinda trailed off in the middle and well the ending isn't going to great but overall it was bloody marvelous. Hopefully I can still go to the dark room (goddamn that's what it's called I forgot that and now I'm to lazy to go back and change it, crap I said photography room to the lecturer to) tomorrow as I have a need to get this film developed before people start realizing how little mojo I have in my ambitions.

I like writing these blogs, they're actually a lot of fun and help take my mind off other depressing matters which eat away at my mind, get out of my mind you leeching bastards!

I'm hoping this show 'Walking Dead'' that I have downloading is good, I watched a smidgen of it on sky plus and I wasn't too impressed, for the first thing I didn't see one solitary zombie the entire time, it was just a load of people running around hugging each other. I assume I came in (her (do ho ho)) too late and that's why nothing made sense so here's hoping to a bright apocalyptic future watching this show eh?

I've found myself re listening to old albums again, I trait I dislike falling back into so if anyone has any suggestions for albums to give the old tally ho'ing to hit me up with them. I shall listen to them like some sort of perverted man placing his ear up to the door of his hot neighbour's apartment...bad analogy maybe but you get the point.

My god I have mindlessly dribbled on for too long in this blog, so I'm going to go off and watch some Inception while warming my toesies with a hot watter bottle. Stay tuned for more of my insightful flashing of my brain's willy, tomorrow I may just describe my amazing script for an awesome film that my current film group thought wouldn't work, how wrong they will be when Danny Boyle and I are sipping appletinis in the Caribbean.

Ressurectin' Living in a Lighthouse

Of course I can see the funny side of a ship wreck.

Well in the aftermath of a few people recommending me to restart the skelatal wick on the squandered candle that is my blog, I have decided that I might just do that. I'm quite annoyed at myself for abandoning my previous blog idea of writing out stories but alas such things can be done in my own free time elsewhere.

Well, where to start with this edition of my witty banter? I guess I shall discuss my oh so funsome life at the college. For those of you who are unaware of what I do there, yet are reading my blog for some strange, inexplicable reason. I am how you say studying a course on 'Video and Film', it's pretty much just a larf in my opinion but who knows maybe some day I'll make some sexy nudist film which gets seen as post modern and I get awards up the wazoo. My delicious, delicious wazoo.

Anyway, life is pretty spiffy in the college. The course isn't too much of a leech on my energy as most thing are done in bursts of a day or two, irritating bursts, but bursts nonetheless. People in the course are pretty cool but I feel I have made some people enemies somehow. Hopefully they don't go on to be super villains or something, that would really be a slight irritation as I do not wish to expose myself to radiation just to fight them off on a weekly basis. Though the comic book deals would be sweet, maybe I'd even get to team up with Batman in some sort of hilarious duel with the Joker, even better solving devious riddles from the greatest villain of them all!

I have begun watching the show 'Mad Men' on a backhanded recommendation from Cathal, though I'm sure he'd be a lot happier if I started watching Avatar instead. Mad Men seems like a great show however. I'm only an episode in as I decided to try my hand at beating that Fallout game again today (an impossible feat, it's just to long (that's what she said)) but so far it's all good. The characters seem to be quite witty with just the right amount of sass (about 35%). Also women know there place in this show (amirite) with them bending over backwards (quite literally) for the men.

On a musical front I have recommendations for all of you people to listen to if you have not already. First off two words: 'The Suburbs'. Now go listen to that album right now, I'll wait here in some sort of inner monologue form inside you head until you return, don't worry I'll be fine. Actually I'd hardly say anyone reading this has not listened to that album so thank you from meta physical me for not keeping me waiting. Anyway now onto the two songs which you must listen to under penalty of being an UNCULTURED SWINE! Those songs are: 'How it Ends' and 'Baba Yetu'. Oh your ears will thank me for the sexual pleasure they are about to experience and I accept their thanks with a mild amount of pompousness.

For awhile now I've been wondering whether to get Rock Band 3 or not. I want it oh so very badly but goddamn is it an investment and a half or what. I'll probably end up getting it for ye olde jubilant Christmas to help fight off those long cold winter nights. Speaking of Christmas, roll on next paragraph, you're keeping us all in gleeful suspense of your festive delights!

I believe ze decorations shall be going up soon in this humble abode. Once that happens oh how awesome life becomes, everything is infused with a mystical quality, life seems like it has a purpose, I even like attending mass at Christmas, that probably makes me hypocritical but goddamn that joyous feeling when you're in there and surrounded by advent candles, Christmas hymns and decorations, it's something else. This is all reminding me to watch Home Alone tonight, that movie is just a pure concentrate injection of Christmas into my veins, oh how I love it. Also you people should check out the song 'Stop the Cavalry' that Christmas song doesn't get anywhere near the amount of love that it should. Argh now I want to watch Band of Brothers, curse this winter TV.

On a completely unrelated note, why not? I was discussing the idea of creating the next book series which could be aimed at those sex obsessed teenage girls who are eating up twilight. I was thinking that it should contain a musician of some kind as that craze seems to be picking up heat again. I need someway to hook them all you know, twilight had vampires, this new 'I Am Number Four' thing has aliens so what could I have? Maybe some sort of shape shifter which can take any form that way they can project their sick desires onto him, oh how ingenious I am, it will be like taking candy from hormonal babies. If anyone else has any ideas hit me up, WE CAN BE MILLIONAIRES!

You know I don't get this new hatred for Russell Brand I see floating about lately, anything that floats gains my automatic distrust, OBEY PHYSICS YOU BASTARD! Nah but he's a funneh guy and to my own extensive knowledge doesn't afraid of anything.

Well I've written enough today to keep the management amused, I shall return tomorrow with even jucier topics and maybe even a picture or two, of boobs!

Yes, they always come back at the prospect of some saucy boobies.

Most sincere apologies ma'am, I didn't think he'd suffocate so easy

Today I will break schedule before it even gets going as I have already developed a side project. Having read a lot of creepy pasta I have decided on making my own which I hope goes quite viral, for this reason I am doing quite a bit of research into the topic tonight and will be unable to write/rewrite a story.

Not sure whether I'll post that story here or not ...I might but I feel it would ruin the point of it if I did. Hrmm I think I should post something interesting here today anyway, to avoid what happened before. Oh, I know let's talk about aliens, well I'll talk about them and pretend you're attentively listening as I....type.

WARNING: This turned into an uninteresting rant, only read on if you have nothing else to do.

Y'know what annoys me, people that think they're oh so smart because they don't believe in aliens, the anger rushes through me like an oxtail soup when people say this. Like I understand why people don't believe in aliens, yada yada we haven't made contact yet blah blah blah ...BUT the very idea of making contact is an almost impossible feat when looked upon rationally as aliens would need to bend the laws of physics to merely get here in less than a few million years.

Okay now here's why I believe aliens exist and why it angers me when people blatantly refuse any possibility that they do. Okay according to modern estimates there are as many galaxies in the universe as there are grains of sand on earth. Now throw onto that that there are 200 billion stars in our galaxy alone and we are beginning to see how colossally vain we are as a species to believe we are alone in the universe.

If we are to then assume each star contains a conservative, single rock-type planet and that beings can only exist on such planets then we are left still with a massive number. However what also must be taken into account is that the planet must be located along a small imaginary line outside the star for life to exist on it, this area is called the "habitable zone". Even though the odds of a rock planet existing in the habitable zone are slim the fact that there are so many galaxies with so many stars has to mean there is more life out there than us. Who knows maybe there are even galactic armies floating around in the Andromeda galaxy.

Blargh this turned into an uninteresting rant so imma put a warning at the start of it, thanks to all who stuck round and listened. Live long and prosper....yo.

Has to be posted

So creepy but oh so funny, I'd really hate to live across the street from this place.

Surviving

November 14th, 1945

Snowflakes waded from side to side as they gently drifted down and landed on the piles of rubble still lining the streets of Berlin. The spectacle was far from mundane but the local inhabitants had gotten used to it over the past few months. After the great war obtaining basic necessities such as food was a daunting task, most aid being brought into the city was quickly harvested by the corrupt officials and spread out to the highest bidders.

The middle class was affected the worst, they had no access to the supplies and had little knowledge of how to scavenge, this led to the sight of hundreds of mindless souls walking down the streets of Berlin desperately seeking hand-outs. On one such search for scraps a young woman named Marlene was greeted by a middle aged man brandishing a walking stick and an almost scholarly beard.

His eyes flickered with life but his posture gave him the look of a man struck with leprosy. After nudging her on the shoulder with his frail hands he slowly composed himself and began to speak.

"Excuse me, could you be a dear and help a failing old man with a small task".

Marlene was took back by his odd tone of voice but agreed as long as it wasn't too difficult. A slight smile crossed the man's face before he let out a boisterous roar of laughter. Which clashed with his previous demeanour. Slowly the man reached for his breast pocket and pulled out a clean envelope.

"I'd be most gracious if you could deliver this to an old friend of mine, I'd do it myself but I'm afraid my legs give way if I keep on them too long".

The young woman was hesitant at first but agreed to assist him out of sympathy after she learnt the address was on her way home. Gently she took the letter from the man's failing hands and slipped it into her own pocket. With that the man left, slowly he became enveloped in the crowd and the girl proceeded on home wards as it was getting late.

On the way home she finally came to the address written on the envelope, the building in front of her was daunting as it seemed to loom over the rubble that used to be neighbouring buildings. Slowly she advanced towards the structure and was about to knock on the front door when she caught a glimpse through an opening of the curtains inside the building of indistinguishable masses of flesh hanging from hooks on the roof. An immediate fear paralyzed the girl for a few seconds until she eventually turned away from the building and ran.

She rushed back to her house with fear the only thing keeping her legs moving. When inside her dilapidated abode she froze in place for what seemed like minutes. Eventually she broke from her stupor and grasped at the inside of her pocket. She took out the letter contained within and slowly opened it to reveal a piece of white paper with one crudely written line in its centre, it read a few simple words Marlene would never forget;

"This is the last one I'm sending today"

Change of Pace

Hello people update from past me, for the me that exists while you are reading this is doing crazy, crazy things! or just sitting on the toilet who knows.

But I have decided to revamp this blog into a different type of thing, instead of lifecasting (which i may do from time to time lolidunno) I believe I will write up personalized stories of weird tales out there, I dunno why but it's just a fun thing for me to do.

Think I'll start tomorrow as well it is the first of a new month and I'll update daily from there as I really let this thing go to the dogs...yo.

Oh and speaking of dogs, here's mah doggy Boone :D

D'aww image to keep em comin' back, you player Mark...you player.